Moving Forward After Betrayal: Restoring Love and Trust in Relationships
Written by: Maylene Jacob MA, RCC
Trust is the bedrock of any strong relationship, yet it is often the most delicate component, vulnerable to betrayal and difficult to repair.
Betrayal, whether through infidelity or smaller breaches of trust such as on social media or dating apps, can deeply wound a relationship, but there are ways to heal and repair as a couple.
John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher identifies trust and betrayal as critical elements impacting relationship longevity and satisfaction. An important aspect of Gottman’s work related to trust and safety in relationships is the idea of "rupture and repair." Relationships inevitably experience ruptures or breaches of trust, but their health is determined by the couple's ability to repair these breaches effectively.
If you find yourself facing a rupture in your relationship, first focus on the basics like maintaining adequate sleep and nutition and consider routines that promote relaxation. Try to stay connected and reach out to friends or family, sharing your feelings with someone you trust can provide comfort and a different perspective.
Consider limiting stressful inputs of information by reducing the amount of time spent watching, reading, or listening to news that could be upsetting. Instead, allocate time to unwind and engage in activities you enjoy. If feelings become overwhelming, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Ensuring you are healthy and well rested will help navigate this time more easily.
In your relationship, are some possible steps to support you to effectively build trust again with your partner after a betrayal or loss of trust.
Acknowledge the Rupture or Breach:
The first step in healing is acknowledging that a breach of trust has occurred. This means recognizing the hurt and the impact it has had on the relationship without downplaying or dismissing feelings.
Take Responsibility
If you are the one who breached the trust, it's crucial to take full responsibility for your actions. This involves admitting your mistakes and sincerely apologizing without making excuses.
Open Communication
Maintain an open line of communication with your partner. Discuss your feelings, fears, and needs openly and listen to your partner's perspective without judgment.
Set Boundaries
Together, establish clear boundaries and guidelines for what is acceptable behavior moving forward. This step helps prevent future breaches of trust.
Commit to Transparency
Increase transparency in your actions to rebuild trust. This might involve sharing passwords, schedules, or other steps that reassure your partner of your honesty and commitment.
Seek Professional Help
Consider seeking help from a relationship counselor or therapist. A professional can provide guidance and strategies tailored to your specific situation, facilitating effective communication and healing.
Patience and Time
Understand that rebuilding trust takes time. Be patient with yourself and your partner throughout the process. Trust needs to be earned back gradually through consistent and trustworthy behavior.
Focus on Positive Actions:
Engage in positive actions that demonstrate your commitment to the relationship and to changing the behaviors that led to the breach of trust .
Foster Emotional Connection:
Work on rebuilding the emotional connection with your partner through quality time, affection, and supportive actions. Emotional closeness can strengthen the bond between you and aid in healing.
While rebuilding trust can be challenging, it is possible with dedication and commitment from both partners. By employing these repair strategies, couples can navigate the aftermath of betrayal and move toward a stronger, more resilient relationship.
Looking for personalized relationship and couples counselling therapy in Vancouver?
If you would like to learn more about ruptures and repairs or you and your partner would like support during a challenging time, please reach out to a Gather and Ground counselor so we can create a personalized plan for you.
Phone: 604-418-8827
Email: hello@gatherandground.ca