Navigating Lack of Trust Using an Attachment Style Lens: Insights from a Relationship Counsellor

Written by: Kristie Burkett, RP-Qualifying, MACP Candidate

Trust, the cornerstone of any flourishing relationship, can sometimes become wobbly, leaving individuals feeling insecure and unsure. When trust is compromised, it can feel like navigating through a dense fog, uncertain of which path to take. Originating from childhood, our attachment patterns play a significant role in how we navigate trust in our adult relationships. Recognizing these patterns can offer profound insights and pave the way for transformative change.

Attachment Styles and Trust

Secure Attachment

Individuals with a secure attachment style generally find it easy to trust others. They grew up with consistent love and support, learning that they could rely on their caregivers. In adult relationships, they are comfortable with intimacy and are able to trust their partners.

Anxious Attachment

Those with an anxious attachment style may experience trust issues due to past experiences of inconsistent love and attention. They may become overly dependent on their partners and require constant reassurance, fearing abandonment. Read more about anxious attachment here.

Avoidant Attachment

Individuals with an avoidant attachment style tend to keep others at arm's length. They learned to rely on themselves and may find it challenging to trust others, fearing that closeness will lead to a loss of independence.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

This style is characterized by a push-pull dynamic. Individuals may desire closeness but are scared of getting hurt, leading to trust issues. Their past is often marked by trauma or inconsistent caregiving.

How to Navigate Trust Building

Recognizing and understanding attachment styles is just the beginning. The journey of building trust requires commitment, patience, and a willingness to embrace change and vulnerability.

Here are some ways to start building or rebuilding trust in your relationships.

Open Communication is Key

When trust is wavering, communication becomes more critical than ever. It's essential to create a safe space where both partners can openly express their feelings, concerns, and needs. Honest and transparent communication fosters understanding and empathy, paving the way for trust to be rebuilt.

Consistency

Actions speak louder than words, and in the realm of trust, consistency is your best friend. Showing up and following through on promises, no matter how small sends a powerful message of reliability. Consistency builds a track record of trustworthiness, gradually diminishing doubts and insecurities.

Patience and Time

Rebuilding trust won’t happen overnight. It requires patience, time, and a commitment to the healing process. Expecting quick fixes or rushing the process can lead to frustration and setbacks.

Reflect and Learn

Trust issues provide an opportunity for self-reflection and learning. It’s a chance to delve into personal insecurities, understand attachment styles, and work on personal growth. By addressing these aspects, individuals can contribute positively to the relationship, fostering a healthier and more trusting bond.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

Sometimes, the guidance of a professional can provide the necessary support and tools to navigate through trust issues. Relationship counsellors are trained to help couples understand their patterns, communicate more effectively, and build a stronger foundation of trust. You can book a consultation to find out more about how we can support you.

Navigating Trust Through Attachment

Understanding your attachment style and that of your partner can offer invaluable insights into navigating trust issues.

Anxious Attachments

If you or your partner has an anxious attachment style, working on building security in the relationship can be vital. Consistent and reliable actions, along with open communication, can help soothe anxieties and build trust.

Avoidant Attachments

For avoidant individuals, it’s about creating a balance between closeness and independence. Encouraging open communication about needs and boundaries can help in establishing trust without feeling overwhelmed.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachments

This attachment style may require a more nuanced approach, possibly involving professional help to navigate past traumas and learn healthy ways of building trust.

Wrapping up…

Trust flourishes in an environment of security, respect, and love. By cultivating these qualities within a relationship, partners create a nurturing ground for trust to grow and thrive. It’s about creating a relationship culture where trust is valued, cherished, and continuously nurtured.

Remember, the journey of rebuilding trust is a testament to strength, resilience, and the power of love.

To learn more about attachment baed therapy here.