Are you Struggling with your Self-Worth? Here’s how to Reclaim it.
Written by: Alycia Oliver, MCP, RCC
Self-worth is at the core of all challenges we come into counselling to heal. It is the foundation of confidence, resilience, connection, and love. With self-worth we are able to attract and maintain the life that we want.
Sounds nice, right? I know you are probably thinking…. Well how do I get there? Where did it all go? Was it ever there for me?
If self-worth could be condensed into a few sentences it is an individual's sense of their own value, worthiness and deservingness. It is the guidelines and map that you refer to in order to say yes or no in your life. Without the knowledge of this map, things can feel out of control and simply messy.
Let’s give ourselves some grace- we may have never built or learnt the confidence needed to explore our inner map. We may have never been around role models that taught us it is okay to ask for what we want AND that is it okay if your wants/needs are different to others. We must first start with identifying your self-worth map.
Here are some questions to get you started:
What boundaries have you wanted to set in the past but have allowed fear to hold you back?
What need is at the root of those boundaries?
If you could ask for anything you wanted in the world, what would it be?
If you deserved anything you could imagine. What would that look like?
In what ways do you feel your needs are too much? Did you feel this with your parent while growing up?
Are there any societal expectations that hold you back from getting what you want or being who you want to be?
Imagine a moment where you felt in your power (dig deep, there is one in there!). What values were you connected to?What is Anxious Attachment?
Now that you have dipped your toes into self-reflection, let’s take this a few steps further and pad you with some action-based activities to keep you moving in the right direction. When you feel that your worth is wavering, I invite you to try the following:
1. Challenge your self-talk
The inner dialogue in our head never stops, whether we like it or not. If you are telling yourself that you are not enough over and over again of course you will begin to believe it and will therefore behave in ways that align with that negative belief. If you are able to notice it I want you to say “stop” in your head (or out loud if need be). I want you to start reframing those thoughts and start speaking kindly to yourself. The main trick here- you do not need to believe it at first, in fact you likely won’t. Keep catching and shifting these thoughts.
2. Focus on positive relationships
Surrounding yourself with people that enhance your light and bring out the beauty and strength that is within you is crucial. We all have people that dim our light and brighten our light. Prioritize the light enhancers and center yourself around people that are aligns with what you want in your life.
3. Be your own cheerleader
Most people that struggle with self-worth feel uncomfortable to acknowledge how bad ass they truly are, IIt does not make you self-absorbed to know your worth and what you offer to the world. Practice hyping yourself up, despite how uncomfortable it may feel.
4. Identify your strengths
To elaborate further on the point above, it is important for us to pause and think about our strengths. We all have them, I promise you that much. What makes you feel alive? How do you show up that makes you feel proud? Use those to guide your thoughts and behavior.
5. Connect to safety
When we don’t feel safe in our home, in our bodies, or in our relationships yet we stay and push through we are eroding our self worth. What is making you feel disconnected to yourself and unsafe? What do you need to regain your sense of safety.
6. Acknowledge your fears
Underneath our inability to connect to our innate worth are fears. What are you fearing? Being alone? Not finding something better? Not being heard? Not being understood? At some point these fears led to disconnect for you. How can you rewrite your narrative around this connection.
7. Practice self-compassion
Reclaiming your worth is a process for ANYONE. Please be kind to yourself and know it will be a journey. Celebrate the small moments of achievement and growth and give your inner child the love he/she needs when you are struggling.
A Final Note:
At the end of the day, self-worth is built through a combination of external and internal factors including how we think about ourselves and others, how we treat ourselves, and how we are treated by others. When the focus is shifted to the internal factors we put ourselves in a place of control- reclaiming the power we have always had. To speak with a Gather & Ground counsellor, book a consultation today.